I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
