He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
