that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
