I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
