Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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