I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
