did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
