That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
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Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
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Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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