He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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