Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize