Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
