im having a threesome with these popsicles
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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