but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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