So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
