You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
My vagina is very pro this idea
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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