That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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