i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
