remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
