dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
