I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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