So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
