You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
