she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
