If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
ok first of all what the fuck
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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