this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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