Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
