You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
its not stalking. its research.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize