i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
