We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
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