Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
