I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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