ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
