i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
