It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
