Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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