i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
