The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize