i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
