i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
