so explain again why im purple
no
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
