i just wanna soil my oats bro
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
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