If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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