remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
