...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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