guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Randomize
