took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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