You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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