i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
