Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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