Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Randomize
