I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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