I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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