i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
