the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
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