I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Is Oprah even human
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
