Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
