would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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