i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
