two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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