The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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