Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
