Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
