Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Randomize
