I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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