Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
this boner is exhausting
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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